Being an active participant of patriarchy, upholding it, benefiting from it and then complaining about it when it doesn't work in your favor is a different kind of viciousness. I too am a cruel person for lashing out in anger. That's what I've learned all my life. How to show emotions through fury and not any other way. Not through talking, no love, no calm words or words of affirmation or kindness.
It's only ever been rage and loud words and violent tones which have gotten the point across. Yet you complain when I use your tools against you. What did you expect me to do when I was taught this viciousness? How could you expect me to be gentle when you weren’t with me? When you called my tears those from a crocodile, why would I think yours are any different? How could you ask me to be a gentler version of me? That girl was killed by you. That version does not exist anymore, and will never be resurrected, especially not for you.
I am a mirror and you not liking the reflection is your pain to deal with. My pain is the anger I hold within me for my loss and for continuing with this farce. But you enjoy this absurdity as well dont you? You want to show people all is well and good, yet you know the truth of our rotten relationship. I abhor you and you do me. We are playing this sick twisted game of who’s in control now. You asserted your dominance when I was down and you expect me to be kind, now that you are on the losing end. What a joke. This joke of a life. I hate this life. I hate you.